What your man expects of you when he's talking:
- Give him time to share. Don't ask a question and then jump in with another question before he has time to answer the first question. He wants to ponder before he speaks. So take time to pause after asking a question. 30 seconds. A minute. Just smile and be patient because your man is going to school you on the how he sees the world, his life and most importantly, you.
- Speaking of which, listen to learn instead of agreeing or disagreeing. Think of listening as an opportunity to discover something new about your partner. Every word that comes out of his mouth is a course in him: How he responses when he's pissed off; What makes him happy; When he's feeling inspired or defeated; What he needs out of your relationship. Take mental notes.
Let him have his opinion. When a man shares his opinion think of it as an invitation. An invitation that you can accept, decline or amend. A man is his opinion. The struggle that occurs in relationships is that a man may not reveal his opinion until you're chin-deep in the partnership. So what do you do? YOU SPEAK YOUR TRUTH and know that a man's opinion is pliable when he's in love with you.
- I'll break down this process: You have to speak the honest to heart truth. To get to that place, you have pause and ponder why you don't agree with your man, what you believe, and then say that in a way that is compassionate, soulful, but firm. You are not trying to persuade him. You are simply speaking your truth. And he can't argue with your truth, so more than likely he will amend his opinion (yes, love is that powerful).
- Bottom line: The fly-off-the-handle approach won't work. It will just piss him off and as a result, he will miss the memo on the inner workings of your heart. (Oh and men really want to make us happy.)
- Timing is everything. Apart of being a good listener is knowing when it's a good time to talk. The only way to know when it's a good time is to ask: “Are you free to chat?” Nail down a specific time/location. Honestly speaking, it will be way after you think is a good time, so prepare yourself to wait. Use the “waiting time” as an chance to get clear about what you want to say and why it's important.